What REALLY happened on the Potomac
by Ray Collar posted on rec.boats.paddle
January 27, 1996
Officer #1 (Of1): Look! There's a kayaker
on the river!
Officer #2 (Of2): Uh oh!
World Famous Canoeist (WFC): (surfing a huge wave) Waaaaaahooooooo!
Of1: Look at him shooting back and forth. Looks like he's trapped!
Of2: What an idiot! He's doing everything wrong! Everytime he's about to wash
free,
he paddles like mad UPSTREAM!
Of1: It's almost as if he's trying to stay trapped!
Of2: Better send in a chopper to let him know how much danger he's in.
WFC: WAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOO!
(A helicopter flies in and hovers over the wave)
Pilot: Attention kayaker! You are in serious danger! Please exit the river!
What WFC hears: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Of1: He's ignoring the chopper! Wave him over!
(WFC peels Off wave and eddies out by Of1 and Of2)
WFC: HelloOfficer.OhmanIcan'tbelievehowgreatthesurfingis!!!
Of2: You'll have to exit the river, sir.
WFC: You gotta be kidding! Why?
Of2: Ummm.... There's a law, or something. I think.
Of1: Yeah! There's a law. Get out of your kayak.
WFC: I can't.
Of1: Get out of your kayak.
WFC: I can't.
Of2: Why not?
WFC: It's not a kayak.
Of1: Get out of your kayak.
Of2: If it's not a kayak, then what is it?
WFC: A C1.
Of2: See one what?
Of1: Get out of your kayak. Don't make me come in there after you!
WFC: No. Not "see one", "C1".
Of1: That's it! (Of1 jumps in frigid waterand grabs WFC)
G-g-g-g-g-g-get out of your k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-ayak!
WFC: Hey! Leggo of my paddle! It's NOT a kayak dammit!
(Of1 and Of2 drag WFC and his boat onto shore, flipping WFC
over and dumping him out on the ground in the process)
WCF: Ow!
Of2: Okay buddy boy, we're taking you downtown.
WCF: Wait! I can't walk yet!
Of1: Y-y-y-y-eah, r-r-r-r-r-right.
Of2: Grab his legs and straighten 'em out!
WCF: OW! OW! OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!
(WCF wiggles free and starts crawling away)
Of2: He's getting away!
Of1: S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-stop!
WCF: owowowowowowowow...
(WCF is re-apprehended)
Of2: Hah! Gotcha! You're under arrest for resisting arrest!
WCF: owow.. Don't I have to be charged with something before I can be
charged with resisting arrest? ow..
Of1: A t-t-t-technicality.
(WCF is cuffed, and taken away)
Of1: G-g-good thing we r-r-r-rescued th-th-that g-g-guy.
Of2: Yeah! Obviously he didn't know what he was doing. Can you
believe he was trying to paddle a kayak with a canoe
paddle?
