Adventures
in the Slalom Kayak Circuit - Volume I
The 2004 Midwest U.S. Olympic Team Trials Qualifier
-Adam L. VanGrack
With the hopes of qualifying for Olympic Trials
and to escape the ice-cold January Potomac River, I traveled to the lovely town
of New Braunfels, Texas for a slalom race on the Guadalupe River. Due to
circumstances, I could not drive and my raceboat (14 ft. long & Kevlar/carbon)
could not hitch a ride. Thus, I had the unseemly task of attempting to get my
raceboat (unharmed) from Washington, DC to Small-town, Texas and back. I booked
a ticket with Southwest (boater friendly and had taken my playboat - 60% shorter
& plastic - before) and informed Hertz that I would need a car with a roofrack/cross
rails for place a kayak on the roof.
The day before leaving, I found out that the San Antonio Hertz was a mile from
the airport and you took a shuttle. Umm, my raceboat aint fittin' in no shuttle
bus. Hertz promised to "work something out."
The arrival at the Baltimore airport went as smoothly as possible. I had the
boat's stern "splinted" with wooden planks and the boat covered in a cloth (red
& white striped) boatbag. Further, to more easily carry the boat (and make it
look light) I used two camstraps to create a make-shift shoulder harness. I
parked in Hourly ($30/day!), then went to the counter. Smiling pleasantly,
complimenting her manner, and talking about my whitewater kayak raceboat, I had
no problem with them accepting the boat and paddle. She charged me an extra $45
and wished me luck in the race. At this point, I even had enough time to move
my car to Daily ($7/day) and get to the gate for departure. Looking great so
far.
The entire flight was filled with rowdy, cocky, (and annoying) Patriot
Fans going to the Super Bowl who couldn't get flights to or hotels in Houston.
Annoying, but I can deal with that. Now... with all of the chaos of the boat, I
forgot to urinate (of which I had to when I was driving to the airport). So,
midway through the flight I get that familiar urgent pain in my bladder.
Someone was in the bathroom and new federal rules prohibit anyone from waiting
in line for the bathrooms. OK... think of other things... OK, he's out and -
dang! - Someone got up from a isle seat (I was in a window) and got in
there. For 40 minutes I watch as New England Patriot fans continually got up and
into my rightful bathroom... 30 minutes into the odyssey I decided that I am a
full-fledged Carolina Panthers fan for the game. I finally get a stewardess to
help me as she (literally) blocks off the bathroom door so I can get in there
before more Patriot fans utilize the facilities after their brethren. Sweet
relief, finally.
At San Antonio (11:30pm) the real fun began. The Southwest baggage crew berated
me, as the baggage handlers had trouble getting the boat off the plane and
insured that I had been charged extra (they thought $45 was too cheap). Hertz
looked to be going well as they called to have someone deliver the car to the
baggage claim area (I thought: this was going to be so easy!). Then I saw that
car... It was an SUV type, but it had the most useless rack (if you can call it
that) I have ever seen. It had two "side"rails, but no "cross"rails (in
other words, completely useless for putting anything on the
roof). I asked the girl if they had any different cars with roofracks, she told
me this car HAS a roofrack. Then, without trying to sound condescending, I
explained the problem, and asked if she could do anything. She said this was
the car that was ordered for me, gave me the keys, and disappeared. So... here
I am: midnight in San Antonio with a 14 foot kayak next to a useless SUV, with a
paddle, bag, and officer telling me I had to move out of there fast (in a
deep Texas draaaawl). OK, think... I decided to strap the boat to the roof
(though the doors) with two of the camstraps I brought. After realizing that
this really didn't help stabilized the boat whatsoever (did I mention the car's
roof was wet?), I tied through the bow loop (in the rear of the car) and over
the bow and tied the strap to both of the side rails. With the officer now
really upset and me convinced that I could go at least 30 MPH without an
accident, I took off. With my hazards flashing, I thankfully made it (in record
slow time) to New Braunfels 40 miles away.
The race went rather well. Despite having only an hour of practice on the
river, I placed high enough to qualify for Olympic Trials in a few months. Goal
achieved. In fact, despite being laughed at by almost everyone at the races
(and yes, I did inform them that I had neither purchased -nor chosen
voluntarily- this vehicle) the boat did stay on the roof (sorry Hertz
about the newly caved-in roof feature of the car). I did mysteriously lose a
skirt and paddle jacket somewhere in Texas, but I guess they were just donations
to the river gods.
OK, return trip time. Did you know that you cannot get gas at 5am on a
Monday in San Antonio? Just thought I would mention that. Hertz did come
through in having someone drive me to the airport (and take the car back). And
then the very friendly and accommodating San Antonio Southwest agent and I
talked about my whitewater kayak and it turns out that she had been looking to
buy a whitewater kayak for her husband (I gave her a few websites to check out).
$45 again for the boat-travel-fare and looking good so far...
Slept on the flight despite having a rather large gentleman with a very large
coat next to me.
When I got to Baltimore, I realized a slight problem. My car was in the Daily
Lot (far) and my boat way coming to the luggage area soon (and with difficult
access -at least with a 14 ft boat!- to
any parking lot). So my
only option was to get my car and hope
not to get in trouble for the 20-30
seconds of leaving my car in the federally monitored, $500 fine, immediate
towing, standing permitted with someone in the car, turn-about area. I get to
the area and cannot find any officers to inform of my plan, but see the tow
truck behind me. With no officers in sight, I put on my flashers and run to get
my boat. Miraculously (Southwest rocks!), my boat and paddle are waiting right
for me. I strap the boat on my shoulder grab the paddle and dash for the door.
When I get to the door, I see two officers surrounding my car and motioning for
the (now moving) tow truck. I hustle (as best one can with a 14 ft boat on ones
shoulder) and just as I enter the first street for shuttles and busses, I (in a
cartoon-esq move) hit a patch of ice, fly in the air arms/face forward, boat and
paddle flying beside me, yelling in slow motion "Thaaaat's mmyyyyyy caaaaar!"
SLAM!
I hit the ground only to hear a bus's breaks squeak. Without noting any possible
injury, I get up and start the yell again. He doesn't hear me until I'm right at
my car and he gives me the expression one would get if you saw a bleeding,
crazed, man yelling at you with a bag, paddlebag, and 14 ft torpedo-like item
(who's boat bag looks like a candy cane) on his shoulder. To him, I epitomized
insanity. I explained that I was only gone for 30 seconds and that this was
that only way I could get the boat to my car. No Response. Tow truck moving.
Ticket still in his hand. I try my plea again. He gives me the "illegal
actions" / "federal security" speech. I again plead how I was only gone for
under 45 seconds, and that this was my only option. After a few seconds, he
says "Whatever... get out of here now!"
and rips up the ticket... Like a man possessed, I strap on my (hopefully not
broken) boat to my roof, get into my car, drive off and start to feel the pain
in my knees, hands, and arms...
All in all, a successful weekend and a few lessons in solo kayak traveling...
